Walking in Friendship

We were not made to live this life alone. Whether it's friends, family, people from work, or our church family, God has given us so many opportunities to love and be loved by others. Over the past few years, I've come to realize the importance of friendships and the beauty of knowing someone deeply.

Growing up, I only had a few friends I could really call best friends, mainly my family. This may, in part, have been due to the fact that I was shy and quiet and preferred to listen rather than talk. As I watched more extroverted friends around me laugh, take pictures together, and go on trips together, I felt that I wasn't one of them and began to resent what I thought was a burden, not a blessing—my personality.

For a long time, I struggled to build friends because I waited for others to make the first move and extend friendship to me. When they didn't, I got bitter and thought that it was their fault. Then, when I realized that others probably were waiting for me to make the first move, I got bitter when I realized that I struggled to reach out. I didn't know what to say and I certainly didn't know the right questions to ask. I would get upset at myself up for awkward conversations where there was stilted silence.

Looking back, I'm beginning to see my experiences through new lens and realizing amazing things about myself and about the beautiful thing we call friendship.

First, I realized that my personality was not something to be ashamed of. I began to meet people who encouraged me to recognize that while I might not be the life of the party or someone who made all the right jokes at all the right times, I was someone who was steady, who could be depended upon, who would listen well, and who would encourage others. What I thought were my weaknesses were actually my strengths. This doesn't mean that we can't grow and change. I absolutely want to keep learning how to ask good questions and lead discussions and conversations. But I no longer compare myself to others who are different than me. Each person is unique and gifted in different ways. No one way is better than another.

Second, friends are so important in our lives and friendships take time to develop. You might click with some people right away, but often deep friendships come out of time spent together doing daily life.

I want to share a few tips for building friendships that I have learned along the way.

• Ask questions! If it helps you, come up with a list you can always reference. Go deeper than the surface level questions. Don't be afraid to ask bigger questions pretty early on. It sets the tone for how deep the relationship will go. It's much harder to stay at a surface level relationship for a long time and then try to go deeper. Ask about someone's personal life or what they're passionate about. People always enjoy talking about themselves and chances are, they will ask you the same question back.

• Be open and vulnerable. Similar to what I said above, how open you are with others will set the tone for how open they will be with you. Be honest about what is going on in your life or about how you feel about something. So many people are too afraid to say anything because they don't want to step on toes or they don't want to say the wrong thing. I'm not saying to go too far the other way. However, when building friendships, it's important to live honestly and genuinely before others. Don't wear a mask.

• Be a good friend. If you want good friends, you must first learn how to be a good friend. That means doing to others what you would want them to do to you. If you wish someone would ask you how you're doing, ask them! If you wish someone would invite you to go somewhere with them, ask them to go somewhere with you! Show them that you care and they will respond.

• Finally, friendships are built doing day to day things. Even simple things like studying together, watching a movie together, and laughing together are the building blocks to deep and lasting friendships.

Don't ever get discouraged when a friendship takes a while to develop and especially don't compare yourself to those you see around you. You can't see the whole picture of what happens in other friendships. No friendship is absolutely perfect and that's normal! I know I gave a list of some tips for building good friendships, but my biggest piece of advice would be to pray. Ask God to give you good friends. Our heavenly father loves us and he created us to be with others. He will hear your prayers and answer in ways you could never dream of.

Til next time!